Having paid 12 US a pint I should find something better to do while we are here alongside.
Q: How does a Mackem change a light bulb?
A: He asks the prison guard.
Q. What have the Mackems and a nappy got in common
A. P*** upfront and crap at the back.
Q: What's the difference between a Mackem Lass and a Kit Kat?
A: You can only get 4 fingers in a Kit Kat.
Q. What do you call a Mackem girl's cleavage?
A. Silicon Valley!
Sunderland have just signed a top chinese international for 5 million pounds: WY ME
England manager Sven Goran Eriksson told Mackem "super" striker Kevin Phillips that he was thinking about playing him in the next england friendly but may pull him at half time. "Fantastic" said Kevin I usually only get an orange!
Monkey Heed was worried about his team not showing signs of improvement, so he decided to ask Bobby Robson why Newcastle were so good. "That's easy" replies Robson. "We practice everyday against 11 dustbins".
"Oh" replied Monkey Heed.
Two weeks later, Bobby saw Monkey Man in the street and asked him whether the plan had worked. 'Oh no' replied Reid, 'we had to abandon that idea, the Dustbins won 5-0'!
Q: What's the difference between the Stadium of S***e and a hedgehog?
A: A hedgehog has pricks on the outside.
Q: How does a Mackem lass turn the light on after sex?
A: She opens the car door!
Bobby Robson, Steve McClarren and Peter Reid visited the Angel of the North. They all decided to ask it questions about their clubs.
Bobby says "When will Newcastle United next win a major trophy?" the Angel replied " I guarantee they will finally win the F.A cup next season." "Great!" replies Bobby.
Steve steps up and asks "Will Boro ever win anything?" "Well..." says the Angel "I can't guarantee they will win anything when your around man." "Bloody hell, nout gans my way!" Screamed Steve.
Finally Peter steps up and confidently and asks the same question, the Angel whispers in to peters ear, "Come back tomorrow on your own and I'll give you a hint on what's wrong."
So the next day peter Reid pulls up in his new top of the range Skoda and the Angel says, "Well I'll get to the point first of all you've got Thomas Sorensen in goal (5 minutes later) and finally you've got Kevin Phillips partnering Niall Quinn up front. Basically you've got a team full of Retarded Mackems. Oh, Yes... and if you want to be at a winning club, I heard there's a position as a Janitor at Old Trafford!"
Monkey's heed walks into the dressing room before the mackems bigest game of the season and there's a massive crap in the middle of the floor! "Who's shit on the floor!?!" he says. Quinny stands up and says "Me Gaffer! But I'm not bad in the air!"
Q: What do you throw a Mackem when he's drowning?
A: His wife and kids!
Q. What do you say to a makem in a suit?
A. 'Will the defendant please rise.'
Q: The Sunderland team are on a boat to their end of season tour. Then the ship begins to sink for some reason. Who gets saved?
A: The nation.
Shame I had to Use Chelsea scum to get my points but that will change by the end of the season for sure. Buy Liverpool its a sure bet.
With a trip to South Africa imminent I thought I might be able to go see a game of footy in Pretoria. Mamelodi sundowns are the local team and by all accounts not bad (for SA domestic footy). The only worrying part is that not too many white folk go to watch footy in South Africa and a prominently black support can be daunting. I did go to a friendly game in Durban many years ago Arsenal against a local team who’s name evades me with age. The game was good even though Arsenal won and the locals were very friendly towards me and made me feel very welcome
Hopefully Ill be able to find me a scout who will look after me and show me around the H. M. Pitjie Stadium as it is called (I think). I don’t have a great head for heights so ill be staying down at pitch level. Can’t wait.